The Adventures of Pirate Captain Ban
by Seriphia
Summary: Ban the Undead was pretty surprised to discover the love of his life had been tucked away nice and deep in enchanted waters. Of course, if she must be one with the waters, then to the waters he will go. Worse comes to worst, drowning's not all that bad. "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..."
1. Chapter 1

**AAAAAAAAAALRIGHTY!  
Hi! I'm Seri, but everyone calls me Lick (kehe, makes me giggle every time). **

**So get this!**

 _ **The Adventures of Pirate Captain Ban**_ **is a side story within the SDS fic:** **Love is a Battlefield** **. It is rated M, so most of you may want to run away! Flee with your lives! EEK!** _ **HOWEVER,**_ **if you choose to read this story, there are a few things you should know:**

 **SPOILER ALERT!  
If you'd like to keep a few surprises intact, leave now and go read Love is a Battlefield. If NOT, this here is what you oughta know:**

 **Still here?**

 **Are you suuuuuure you wanna know?**

 **...**

 **Laaaaast chaaaance...**

 **OKAY! Yeesh, u pulled my leg.**

 **...**

 _ **Fine.**_

 **Tidbit number 1. This is an alternate universe!  
Elizabeth's city of Liones is in the dead center of the woodland elves kingdom, and yep, youuu guessed it! The entire kingdom has pointy ears and live for CENTURIES! But enough about that, we're here for Ban's part!**

 **Tidbit number 2. Ban stayed behind with his boat.  
As I am quite sure he will bitch (can I say bitch on rated T?) about in due time, his boat was built by none other than Meliodas. WHY you ask? Stop reading the spoilers and go read the main story!**

 **Tidbit number 3. This is a big one. You ready?  
Ban stayed back with his boat so that he could spend a little one on one time with a certain fairy princess he's been missing for a loooong time. Here's the kicker, the big spoiler: turns out, Elaine has been brought back for undisclosed reasons as Avalon's new Lady of the Lake! There ya go, one of the best and earliest surprises in my big bad fic SPOILED. I hope you're happy... *grumbles* And yea, the boat is not a huge monstrosity. Meli built it in one day with the help of a giantess. Still impressive... so there. Aaaand it's floating around the vast waters of Avalon—NOT the ocean.**

 **Well, I'm pretty sure that's about all you need to know to enjoy this alternate universe SDS Love is a Battlefield OVA.**

 **Here we go!  
If you are still reading my ramblings, count me impressed. Me lick you long time!**

 **DISCLAIMER : I OWN NOTHING! *sob***

The Beginnings of a New Day

"We kindle and char and inflame and ignite."

The sun gave promise to a lovely warm midsummer day. The most magnificent shade of crystal blue painted the cloudless sky.

"Drink up me hearties, yo ho."

Leaves rustled in the restless wind, granting the birds fortunate enough to roost here a boundless flight to glide effortlessly over the waters obscuring the horizon.

"We burn up the city, we're really a fright."

Hmm.. Cute little, erm... fuzzy things scampered around the grass nibbling the best berries a man could ever ask for.

"Drink up me hearties, yo ho."

...The waters of the legendary lake of Avalon lapped at the small rocky shore that quickly gave way to tall grass and daffodils, well nourished by the exceptionally—

"We're rascals and scoundrels,  
"We're villains and knaves."

-Ahem-the exceptionally magical waters. The sound of nature filled the air, a symphony of the Goddesses' own creation.

"Drink up me hearties, yo ho."

Good grief. Fine. I give up. All I wanted to do was paint the majestic scene so the readers could better understand the beauty that the Lake of Avalon has so that—

"We're devils and black sheep," "...wait... I wonder if I could change that to fox...  
"We're devils and foxes, we're really bad eggs."

Oh for the love of...

"Drink up me hearties, yo ho!  
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me."

Fucking zombies...

The Adventures of Pirate Captain Ban

Part 1

Ban sat criss-crossed. hunched over the front of the helm, carving tiny skulls and cross bones absolutely everywhere with a small knife. By the time he'd be done, it would look more like a chewed up recycled piece of plank instead of the carefully cut and well sanded wood his captain took the time and effort to build for him.

As nice as it was for one of Arthur's errand boys to come and bring him supplies and news, the Fox Sin was more concerned over the whereabouts of his elusive lady. As soon as he'd bid his captain farewell, she'd disappeared. Knowing her, she was probably feeling pretty bad about not getting Excalibur to them yet.

As time wore on though, Ban was becoming a bit annoyed. By his lady's absence, he began thinking about the bad news that kid had brought. Surely the captain didn't need him to tag along for a dumb old funeral, but were those buzzkills even going to let them in? For that matter, all his fellow Sins may have been arrested just as soon as they arrived.

Wouldn't that be great? Pirate Captain Ban would have to go bust them out of prison!

He was grinning at the turn his thoughts took him when he felt an aura more pure than the smoothest whiskey coming from the water. Only one person that could be. Ban stood up, stretched out his long limbs and popped his neck so hard that he had to set his head back on straight.

"Ahhhhh." _Best way to crack your neck is to actually crack it, I always say._

The Sin of Greed sauntered over to the railing and put on his most foxy smirk as the object of his desire rose from the waters below. She looked so gorgeous rising out of the water like that, like a lamb just ready to be stolen away by the craftiest fox in town. Too bad she never seemed to be wet... his little Elaine had looked way sexier than Diane or the busty, pointy eared princess when they'd been stomping all over those berries. He could sure go for that white dress she always wore to be nice and drippy right about now.

 _Damn, must have somethin to do with being one with the water or whatever. Pretty fuckin stupid if anyone asks me. It oughta be the other way around. My hot little number should_ always _look nice and wet..._

It intrigued him how she usually tended to keep just out of his reach. Just made catching her all the sweeter.

The way she smiled at him had his eyebrow rising curiously. The blonde was holding something behind her back. It couldn't possibly be that big if she could fit it behind that tiny frame of hers—not that he was complaining. Ban leaned over the rail to get as close to his lady as possible and grinned at her like the big bad wolf, "Whatcha got back there for me, Elaine...?"

The Lady of the Lake blushed, his innuendo failing to skate by unnoticed. Nowadays, Elaine's voice was not heard in the normal sense of the word. No, to hear the voice of his love was like being embraced in the best of ways. The nearest conclusion Ban could come up with, was that as the Lady of the Lake, her voice could not be heard where there was no water. Her voice echoed all throughout his body, sending ripples in his blood much like the wind makes waves across water. Ban loved it. Everything she said tickled him in _just_ the right way.

Shaking her head, her words sent a welcome shiver down his veins. "I... I know I'm supposed to be getting Excalibur... but I... I wanted..."

Ban raised a brow. Even after dying and being dragged back, this vision before him remained shy as ever. "I don't care about that sword business." He yawned out, "I'm sure in due time Arthur will get the thing back. That's sure not what I stuck around for."

Growing a wide grin, the Sin of Greed leaned heavily against the railing again, openly admiring the fairy princess before him, "Now, whaddya got back there for me, hmm?"

Elaine looked down at him, smiling sweetly. Poor girl, if she only knew what he had in store for her... she certainly wouldn't look at him like he was some holy knight worthy of her affection. "I just thought," The splash of crimson on Elaine's pale skin looked like it might become a permanent installment, "that you might... want this back." The fairy pulled a book with thick brown binding out from behind her.

It was his ale label collection! She'd kept it? How'd she do that? She was dead and it was gone. Or maybe, just lost. He'd been a little too upset to go looking for it. Ban squinted his eyes at the treasure she held, standing up a bit straighter. "My eyes aren't what they used to be, Elaine. What is it?"

Her eyes widened, "Oh! Um, sorry."

 _There's a good little lamb chop. A little closer..._

Drifting closer, hugging the book to her chest now, Ban relaxed by cupping his hands behind his head. It was still something of a shock for her, being able to stand on the solid ground of the ship. Figuring he could let her enjoy it for at least a little while, he kept his hands to himself.

Just as the first time she'd alighted on his Meliodas-original, his golden haired beauty stared at those tiny feet of hers. Supposing he could help her out, Ban hummed to himself as he sidestepped closer and began lifting up her dress with a long index finger and thumb. "If you need help lookin' as these pretty little toes, I could always go find you a shorter dress..."

"Ban!" Elaine's blush spread throughout her entire face as she hastily pulled her dress back down, dropping the book as Ban chuckled at the shivers caused by her voice rumbling the lifewater coursing in his blood. Before she could even take another breath, the Fox Sin wrapped his arms around her and fell onto the deck of his ship with his fairy on his lap.

"Now let's see that book, shall we?"

Elaine flushed at his sudden closeness, and more so at the possessive grip he held around her waist. "It's um, it's your ale label collection, Ban." She spoke without looking at him, her expression softening with fond memories as she reached for the book.

Slowly twining his fingers into the bulkiness of her white skirt, Ban's voice changed to tauntingly inquisitive. "And just how were you able to get that?"

"Oh! Umm..."

"Hmm?"

"I, umm... when they picked me and placed me here..."

His hand had a good amount of white fabric tangled around his fingers by now.

"I... I sent one of the dryiads to get it for me."

Ban lowered his face to the bridge of her neck and spoke softly but teasingly as his free hand started trailing up her torso, "And what did that little favor cost you, hmm?"

For his breath being so warm, it sent a chilling tingle that shivered her skin. It was a befuddling contrast to the rest of her, which suddenly felt rather heated, "N, nothing! The da, dyriads and nyiads are happy to help me...!"

"Ahh." Ban breathed her in and dragged the tip of his nose up her neck, bringing his lips to whisper in her ear, "perks of the new job, eh?"

Elaine's breath was becoming labored as she huffed, "Umm... don't you want to look at your book? ...Ban?"

The grin our Fox Sin grew showed nothing but canines as he slowly leaned into her enough to push the glowing red Lady of the Lake onto the deck. "Nah... I'm already lookin at what I want."

Staring into those huge, innocent, glimmering pools of golden eyes were making Ban indulge in many incredibly selfish fantasies. Fantasies that could finally be realized now that the powers that be felt like reassigning his beloved back to the material plane. With most of her skirt trapped in his fist, he released it in favor of feeling the soft leg that was freshly exposed at the very moment he brought his lips down on hers. The taste of her was still sweeter than any of the candies he had ever pilfered from the other Sins.

Nearly loosing herself, what with being pinned between the deck and Ban's lips and all, Elaine hummed her contentment before she remembered that her duties came first. She feared hurting Ban, the one she loved more than her own life, but as she told him when he'd first seen her with Elizabeth... she could not be what he wanted. After a wretchedly short moment of what she truly desired, she forced herself to transform into a part of the lake; now nothing but water, Elaine's form fell and splashed onto the deck.

Ban sighed and managed a smile at the same time. There was a reason why he called her slippery nowadays. The Fox Sin was now holding himself over a puddle with a wet face. Out of the corner of his eyes, he witnessed her reappearing to hover above the water next to the ship, desperately trying to catch her breath. Simply rolling over onto her puddle, he snickered while he propped himself up on his elbows.

He looked directly into her eyes as he licked his face with a long tongue, "Mmm, that's a good drink of water."

Elaine's eyes widened and she remained red, but after a moment of mortified staring—she began to laugh, clutch her sides, and laugh more. Ban's smile grew wider and more genuine as he watched her. A few days ago, he'd believed he would never again hear that sound. After enjoying the view for a little while, he asked, "Tell me something, Lamb Chop, how is it that you are here anyway?" He sat up and leaned his arms over his knees, "I mean, I'm not complainin' or anything... but I was always under the impression that death was permanent."

Golden eyes shifted to glaze over the waters she was brought back to be a part of as she drifted to sit on the rim of the ship, her legs dangling over the edge. "There are certain souls... that do not get to rest for as long as others."

From Ban's perspective, her profile was bordered by the bright blue of Avalon's waters. There she went again, slipping into melancholy. Just what exactly was a guy to do to keep this cool slice of cream pie smiling? "Hmmm."

With a refreshing moan, Ban jumped to his feet and started walking towards the single mast of the ship and began lowering the sail.

"Yo, ho, yo ho,  
"A pirate's life for me..."

Elaine turned to see his back to her, and she blinked curiously, "Ban?"

He glanced over his shoulder at her with a relaxed expression as he tied off the sail, "What is it, Cupcake?"

Shaking her head, she asked, "What are you doing?"

Ban smiled up at the sky and took a deep breath of the warm air, "Keeping my promise, of course."

Elaine swung her legs around to the inside of the boat and leaned forward with a tantalizing fire in her eyes (at least it was to the bandit she was with), " _Now?_ You cannot be serious! Do you mean—"

"Yep, stealing you away, just like you wanted." Ban gave her the grin of a predator. "It's what you said would make you happy, yea?"

With a face that flushed anew, Elaine frowned, "But Ban... I can't. As the Lady of the Lake, I cannot leave." Her eyes began to water, was she afraid that telling him this would make him want to go on his merry way? Surely she knew him well enough to know that he didn't put much merit in the word: can't.

Ban groaned melodramatically and eyed her suspiciously, "Alright then, my little water nymph... so riddle me this..." his eyes turned to Avalon lake's horizon with narrowed red eyes. "Just what is it that's so damn important that needs protecting?"

The yelp his fairy princess let out after he asked was delicious. He was pretty sure little yelps like that would sustain him better than food, hell, better than ale even. Every time his pretty little blonde fidgeted with that dress of hers all nervous like that... he fell in love with her all over again.

He snickered and leisurely walked to the helm, placing his hands on the wheel, "Alright, Magpie. Whatever. Keep your secrets. This wouldn't be the first time I've tried to rob you anyway."

Elaine's eyebrows raised all the way up to her sun colored hair as she gagged, " _What!?_ "

When the sail caught the wind, Ban took the wheel for a spin. He turned the ship towards what he figured ought to be toward the middle of the enormous lake, "Well yea, if there's nothing for you to protect, then there's nothing to keep you here, right?"

The blonde floated closer to him, that beautiful fire lighting up her eyes again, "You _cannot_ go to Avalon, Ban! Remember how the water responded to you? The land would be far less forgiving!"

"Hahaha!" Ban laughed, bending over the wheel some, "I gotta keep finding ways to make you yell at me, Lemon Slice! It tingles me so good!"

"Erk!" Elaine quickly covered her mouth with both her hands, though with a voice that echoed throughout his body, it was a pretty pointless maneuver. Especially when she continued to speak, "Ban, you mustn't go! I'm the one who is supposed to be protecting it!"

"It's an it, huh? Well... I kinda gained this title called the Fox Sin of Greed since last we saw each other... and yea, I'm feeling a little greedy right about now." With lightning quick movements, Ban swept his leery lady off her feet and back into his arms—but he didn't stop there. He dipped her down to the sound of another one of those life sustaining yelps. "And if I don't get you all to myself here real soon, then I just might have to act more like the Sin of Wrath, heh." Just like the good little boy that he was, all he did was nuzzle her nose with his. He wouldn't want her to melt right out of his arms again.

Ban straightened himself out, keeping an arm snugly around Elaine's waist and continued his song...

"We pillage and plunder,  
"we rifle and loot..."

He raised his free hand to steady the helm whilst wearing a broad, smug grin. This was going to be the first out of many times he would travel with his lady fair; what better place for their first trip than the legendary dead city of Avalon? Lady of the Lake? No way. This woman was the Lady of Ban. The Goddesses couldn't have her... she was spoken for.

"Drink up me hearties, yo ho."

 **Just for you my lovelies,  
Seriphia  
aka  
Lick**


	2. Chapter 2

**HI! It's me, Seriphia (Lick). Having a blast here and I hope you are too!**

 **This a SDS Love is a Battlefield OVA (bonus chappies), and yes, it is happening while the others were teleported out of Camelot. Same story! These couple of chapters will explain a few things that Ban will probably not bother to go into detail with later. Hehe.**

 **DISCLAIMER : I OWN NOTHING! *sob***

A Ship is Freedom

As birds swooped down to the water in search of game, the cloudless, unlimited sky embraced the gentle dark blues of Avalon to blend together as only secret lovers could. The small waves loped against the solitary ship slowly sailing north to the tug of lazy winds. A ship that held new hope, a ship that carried with it the dreams of—what's this?

An... envelope? ….this is new. Hmm... I got a letter! _How fun!_

Wait a minute—I know these chicken scrawls...

* * *

 _Hey!_

 _Uh... God. Goddesses?_

 _Whoever you are._

 _What's up? Yup. You guessed it, it's your friendly neighborhood badass pirate man. Listen, as the main protagonist in this here tale... I think it might be in your best interest to listen to what I gotta say. I mean—come on, where would you be without the Great Pirate Captain Ban?_

 _Yea, don't worry about answering that. I already know you'd be bored outta your damn mind._

 _Alright. Enough with formalities, your uh, lickable~ness. On to the special requests..._

 _~I don't want to run out of booze. Make it so that Arthur's lame ass brought me enough to last~you know how much I drink. Heh heh._

 _~Make sure I look cool in everything I do. We wouldn't want my lil piece of heaven to think me a fool now would we?_

 _~Speaking of the fallen angel... could we do something about that skirt she's wearing? I mean, come on. The girl goes commando, COMMANDO. Let's put something shorter on her so that if I gotta be stuck in this t-rated bizziyatch, then I can at least have some hot fairy tail to look at._

 _Alright! Well, that's about it your Lickfulness. I look forward to a rewarding and long lasting relationship with you._

 _I know where you live, sweet Lick..._

 _Fox Sin of Greed of the Seven Deadly Sins_

 _Pirate Captain Ban._

* * *

FairyTail? How does he know I lick there too. WAIT! ….Son of a bitch! Who the hell does this guy think he is?! Is he actually giving me ultimatums?

 _Fucking zombies!_

The Adventures of Pirate Captain Ban

Part 2

The evening sun was stretching toward the horizon with the ship's captain having abandoned the helm on account of holding the thing steady all the time had gotten boring. He'd rigged up a barrel of water (yea that's right, Ban has water too) next to the wheel to hold it steady since it kept favoring clockwise. A sudden bark of laughter was heard in the cabin, and a hesitant Elaine peeked down below the deck.

Ban was holding up a pair of women's panties with a box just full of them, grinning as only a fox could. "At least I know she got my letter." He carelessly tossed the garment back into the box and closed it. As usual, as he lifted up to stand, he banged his head against the ceiling and cursed about short people. Once his long line of swears reached its completion, he grabbed the box and headed back on deck. His blonde stepped out of the way curiously eyeing the box he carried as he smiled slyly at her in passing.

Heading behind the cabin onto the poop deck, he tossed the box overboard with a snicker.

"Ban! Why did you just toss that into my lake!" Elaine frowned at him, looking at the box slowly sinking into the depths.

"Don't be sore, Pumpkin. I just wanted to give something back to the Goddesses with a 'No Thank You' is all."

"Huh...?"

He was walking starboard and frowned at all the water, "Just how big is this lake anyway?"

"Big enough for you not to worry about Avalon, Ban." Elaine drifted to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind, "please turn back."

His eyes stared daggers into the horizon as he tenderly took hold of Elaine's smooth arms, "Can't do that. Gotta get you free, Elaine."

The fairy behind him looked sadly out at nothing as she rested her chin on his shoulder, "It can't be done, this is who I am now."

With a shake of his head, he leaned his head toward hers, "It can be undone. Wait and see."

Suddenly the entire ship rocked violently, tossing both of them onto the deck to the sound of Elaine's scream, "What was that?!"

Ban stood and ran to the helm, kicking away the barrel that had been tipped over from whatever they'd hit. "Just how deep is this lake, Cupcake?"

Only just now rising, she looked back at him fearfully, "Really deep!"

 _Shit, so it wasn't a reef of anything..._

Elaine let out another scream as the boat was hit again and Ban gripped the wheel tightly, "Damnit, if that thing breaks my boat, no amount of magic soup is gonna keep me from gutting it alive!"

He looked over his shoulder to see if Elaine was alright, but there was only a puddle where she'd been. Then off on the port side, he saw a long neck of a beast lift its head out from the blue waters. Ban grinned broadly and pulled out his sectioned staff, Courechouse. "Hell yea! Now this is what I'm talkin about!"

Ban looked twice when he noticed that the water serpent's head had many, many colors. Wait... no... the thing's head was—covered in panties? Hah! Imagine that, a perverted beastie! What is this, freakin' One Piece? Diane would have gone ape shit on its ass... tail. Whatever. The gargantuan creature lowered its head toward the ship and growled at the intruder and just as Ban spun to take a swing at it, Elaine's voice screamed so loud within him that he shook and tumbled right onto the deck. "Ugh..."

He could hear his siren's call still echoing throughout him, but all he saw was the clear blue sky, "Don't hurt him! He was the old Lady of the Lake's pet! He likes shiny things and dances to music, leave him alone, Ban!"

"Awww." The Fox Sin laid an arm over his eyes, "I thought it looked tasty too..."

After suffering a moment of a meal lost, Ban rolled over and stood up with a lazy slouch. Elaine was watching him with her arms wrapped around the thing's neck as far as it would get. He raised a brow as he admitted he was a little jealous and said, "It likes shiny things, huh?"

"He's why I haven't gotten back Arthur's sword yet, Ban."

"Oh really? Like it swallowed it? Well we can fix that." Ban grinned mischievously and spread his legs out as he held his staff menacingly, "now tell that thing to open wide..."

Elaine's eyes widened, " _Ban!"_

"What?! It's not all that comfortable to have a sword stuck in your stomach!" The Sin cracked a wider grin, "believe me, I know."

The Lady of the Lake squealed as the beast suddenly straightened its neck, opening its mouth right in front of Ban, Elaine now hung upside-down from where she'd held onto its neck as a few panties fluttered down into the water.

"See there! He likes the idea!" Without a care in the world, Ban lifted up and strolled right into the creature's waiting mouth muttering, "Don't haveta bend over walking into a monster's mouth, but I gotta hunch down inside my own ship. Shit's just not right, Meliodas..." Then in a louder voice, cackling with laughter, he said. "Damn, this thing's got to sharp teeth!"

Elaine flew over to where Ban had been and pressed her lips together fearfully at seeing her love walking down the throat of a carnivorous serpent. "Ban!"

"Yikes, that looks like it hurts. Don't worry, Lamb Chop, I'm almost there."

Fretting to the serpent in front of her, she said, "Pleeeease keep your mouth open!"

Ban did not have to walk much further before coming to the enchanted sword that stood up, lodged in the tender tissue that probably tasted amazing after it was sauteed. A good thing too, Elaine would have probably been sore at him if he'd had to light a torch in here. He may have ended up cooking this thing after all. As he curled his fingers around the legendary sword, Excalibur, his fingers tingled—and not in a good way. With a frown, the Sin grimaced, "Yea, yea, I don't like you either, but I'm here to take you back to your little boyfriend."

Elaine squealed out her terror as the serpent reared its head up in pain as Ban lifted the sword from inside its body. " _BAN!"_ She floated over to the creature but it quickly dived down into the water, tossing its head about.

Thinking quickly, Ban did a reverse snatch to grapple his way back to the monster's teeth, where he was swung around waving Excalibur up in the air like he was riding a bucking bronco. "Wooooo! This is _great!"_

Assuming his slippery blonde would be upset if he just beheaded the thing, Once the head stopped rocking so hard, Ban walked up to the mouth and started prying it open. It was easily predictable that the serpent did _not_ like that, and began tossing more, but Ban just grinned and forced its leathery lips open harder. "Weak ass serpent..." He grunted as the mouth flung open.

What Ban didn't consider, is that the dirty, rotten creature had dived back down into the lake. He'd tossed the mouth open so quick that a tidal wave of water flooded over him. Water that hated him.

Dumb water. The only thing he'd ever done to it was feed it a box of panties...

It was Ban versus a torrent of water that was suddenly searing hot and forcing putrid burns to form over his skin, but slowly, one step at a time, Ban gained enough ground to grapple around to the serpent's head, where the water began to clump up around him like a thick sludge. Stretching out his trusty Courechouse, he swung it into the beast's mouth and caught the other end of it from the other side. Not bad for a makeshift set of reigns.

Forcing the beast's head upward (or what he hoped was upward), he laughed at the lake's effort to bury him, breathing it in—inviting its attempt at a drowning.

From the calm surface of Avalon's Lake burst Sin and serpent, "YEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAW!"

Elaine quickly appeared at the head of the tossing beast, trying to sooth the rage it felt from not only the sword's removal, but now the undignified way this man was riding him. Sooner rather than later, the Lady of the Lake had him calmed, and was stroking its forehead soothingly. Her expression dripped relief as Ban's exploded with disappointment.

"Awwww, come on babe! I just wanted to ride a little while longer."

The fairy glanced up at him with that fire he loved so much and growled, " _Get that thing out of his mouth, Ban!"_

Ban stared at her with a growing grin as he retracted Courechouse and straddled the beast—which had tears streaming down its face. "This reptile thing is alright," he stood and stared into the distance, narrowing his eyes.

"Is everything alright, Ban?" The worry leaked through her voice, "I was so scared when he dived underwater..."

The Fox Sin shifted his gaze to her and suddenly felt all warm and fuzzy inside from her concern for him. Instead of falling on his face burdened with emotions like a certain captain of his might do if he continues on like he is, Ban smirked at his love and replied, "Come on now, Sugar Cube, you oughta know by now that this lake isn't gonna get me."

Now this was a woman who could pout and make it look cute. Even though her face was disconsolate, she looked hotter than a freshly baked cherry pie. His blood warmed to the sound of her saying, "And yet you continue to tempt fate by trying to get to Avalon..."

His grin curled into the shape of mischief as he swung his leg over to hang upside down and look into the enlarged serpent's eyes from over his shoulder. "Feel better now buddy?"

Elaine was amazed by how the Sin didn't fall as the beast nodded his massive head.

"Hey that's great and all... so how about you scratch my back since I scratched yours?" Ban rolled his eyes in a way that tended to give Meliodas a semblance of innocence when he did it and slurred the rest of his words out. "It would sure help us out if you could pull this ship closer to that crummy island in the middle of the lake." He grinned, "what do ya say?"

He bellowed out a laugh as the swimmer tossed his head violent enough to send him into the air and rocketing back to his ship. Ban crashed right into the shingled roof of the boat cabin as he continued laughing at the rush of flying. His head lulled back as he felt his body stitch itself back together. "Now that there is a hard core sea serpent!"

For a less down to earth man, it would seem like he'd died and gone to heaven, because an angel drifted over to cradle his head. Her voice echoing within him would not have helped dispel the illusion. "Ban... you have the sword, won't you just return it to Arthur and be done?"

The Fox Sin lifted a bloodied but healed hand to caress her cheek, "Can't do it... not yet." He stared deeply into her golden eyes. Figures that a bandit like him would fall for eyes brighter than the purest gold.

Those beautiful eyes began to moisten as her worry for him heightened. Now that was not something that she should be doing. Ban lifted his other hand up to her and softened his expression. An expression of pure unadulterated love, a look that only she would ever get to see on the Fox Sin of Greed. "Elaine... don't make me suffer this immortality you gave me alone.

"Let me do everything I can to share it with you."

With eyes showing nothing but honest resolve, Ban guided her lips down onto his. He purred his contentment as he tasted the fairy he'd been dreaming of for over thirty long years. The tongue she had a terrible habit of keeping all to herself reminded him of cotton candy, should said sweet actually be warm and welcoming, anyway. The bandit below her smiled as he realized that she had less reservations this time around, for she settled down onto him right there in the crater he'd made of his roof.

Everything was perfect, more than perfect... until that damned serpent decided to make good on a favor for favor and the ship bumped fiercely as if by hitting a reef again. Elaine squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly as Ban pulled them both out of the hole in the roof to land nimbly on the deck. Both their heads moved upward as a long shadow stretched up from the bow, Elaine instinctively tightening her hold on Ban's neck as he looked up at the creature with a broad grin. "Alright! Let's go, beastie!" He pointed the sword that tingled his fingers forward and the serpent roared in its own voice as it held the bottom of the ship in its coils.

Then it started pulling the ship in a different direction, causing Ban a frown. "Hmm... if this thing is taking us in the wrong direction, I may not be able to resist how tasty he is on a spit..."

The monster grew a sweatdrop as Elaine sighed, still hanging her chin over his shoulder.

He scooped up his lady into his arms and drawled out soothingly, "And just what direction are we supposed to be going, Sweet tart?"

Elaine puffed out her cheeks and folded her arms stubbornly, "Back to shore, Ban."

He tossed his head back in a laugh before saying, "I'm gonna need more booze if you're gonna get all stubborn on me."

"But Ban, if you really are planning to enter Avalon, you should do some serious meditating to try and purify your soul..."

Ban blinked at her, "Is that actually a thing?" He grinned, showing all his canines, "then I better pull out some ale for you too!"

"Me!? Why me?"

Cue the moment for the grin to grow fiendish again... "Because you... my sweet Elaine..." he trailed his finger down her nose, jawline, then down to her dress, admiring the blush that came from his touch. "You have been having quite a few impure thoughts of your own lately... now haven't you?"

Her eyes were suddenly as well rounded as her skin was red, "I... uhhh..."

Ban figured that was just about her breaking point, so he released her before she used that freaky Lady of the Lake noise to teleport right off the deck again. Now was the perfect time to pull out the ale, so he headed below deck as happy as can be—what with the ship on auto pilot and all. Nurses use alcohol to clean wounds, surely he could use it for a little... soul purification.

"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest.

"Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum..."

^.~

A short while after the moon had reached its peek, the serpent slowed to a stop. If it hadn't been for the jolt right at the end, the two on deck would not have even noticed.

Elaine was still nursing her _first_ bottle, but was giggling like a school girl. Ban couldn't figure out for the life of him what was so funny, but he didn't care to try too hard. No, Ban the Undead was just happy to laugh right along with her. Cracking a (terrible) joke once and awhile to keep those foxy laughs coming.

Ban was bare chested by the time the beast jerked them to a stop. He'd been pretty sure he was going to pass out on the deck fairly soon and he'd wanted to leave a good amount of eye candy behind for his beloved should he not capture her first. All that was moot when the boat's jolt sent her tumbling into his arms as they once again got thrown onto the deck. Elaine's eyes looked dazed as Ban drawled out, "We gotta meet like this more often..."

That, of course, sent Elaine into hysterics again. The Fox Sin carefully dislodged himself from his cackling light weight to look over at the island about a quarter mile away. He stared at the mound of darkness with intrigue as he combed through a beard that wasn't there. "Thanks Harry..."

Yea, you heard right, he named the serpent Harry.

The beast was off on his way to deeper waters when Ban dropped anchor. They'd made it. Avalon was right there in front of them. Whatever was there that made Elaine have to stay as the guardian to a bunch of dumb fish was going to pay a steep price.

No telling what might be waiting for him there...

Better get some sleep first! Cupping his hands behind his head, Ban walked back to his giggling blonde. He took a moment to appreciate her eyes glazing over his body before he spoke up, "It's all yours ya know. I won't stop ya if ya wanna touch it..."

Elaine just giggled more, the red splash on her cheeks being from the ale, not from embarrassment. Ban found that a little less gratifying. She was supposed to blush over the things he says.

 _Yep._

"Yep." He grabbed hold of her slipperiness and brought the both of them down onto the deck. "Time to sleep if off, Lamb chop." Ban endured a little bit of Elaine's squirming before he reminded her how important sleep was.

Holding her closely, he whispered into her ear, "Tomorrow is the first of many days I prove my love for you, Elaine. We're going to find exactly what we need to finally get you free." He wanted her freedom so bad he could taste it. Hell, all he had to do was stick out his tongue and lick that sweet neck of hers.

Hmm... she was already asleep. "You never let me finish..." He smiled and held her firmly, "guess you get pretty comfortable here—with me." Tomorrow the Fox Sin of Greed would challenge whatever there was in Avalon that was so important to demand his Elaine to spend her years watching over it. That thing would only end with one of two possible outcomes.

Give her up willingly.

Or face its destruction.

* * *

 **For those of you who reviewed, thank you. Your gift of forward momentum is what drives me. Enjoy your licking, I know I will. :)**

 **MyLuv** **: I would** ** _totally_ melt if this foxy man came on to me, no... I'd more than melt, I'd just fuckin die. No more Lick cuz Ban wanted a kiss. Sigh. Ty Luv!**

 **Dom** **: Aww, dun worry, Love, you suk too. ^.^ Stars pale to what I feel for you.**

 **Stormie** **: Yea, I had to have him lay a trap for our slippery lady. She needs to get out of that sly guy routine she's got goin on...**

 **ScarletLove** **: It is indeed the same story, just a few bonus chappies cuz his friends left him behind.**

 **Deamonik** **: I'm diggin the enthusiasm up in here! Yay! I hope so! :D**

 **ScarletLovelie** **: NEXT CHAPPI! Just as ordered! XD and yea, at least the Lady of the Lake melts on purpose! LOL! Ty for not one, but TWO comments, Yaaaay for the spoiling!**

 **Just for you my lovelies,**

 **Seriphia**

 **Lick**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi my lovelies! I missed you! Soooo glad ure back! C'mere, I need to lick ure stink pretty faces!**

 **This a SDS Love is a Battlefield OVA (bonus chappies), and yes, it is happening while the others were teleported out of Camelot. Same story! These couple of chapters will explain a few things that Ban will probably not bother to go into detail with later. Hehe.**

 **DISCLAIMER : I OWN NOTHING! *sob***

A Little Bit of Destiny

"Oh, better to live and die  
Under the brave black flag I fly,  
Than play a sanctimonious part,

"eh heh heh... sanctimonious...

"With a pirate head and pirate heart.  
Away to the cheating world go you,  
Where pirates all are well-to-do;  
But I'll be true to the song I sing,  
And live and die a Pirate King.

"Here comes the best part...

"For I am the Pirate King!  
And it is, it is a glorious thing  
To be a Pirate King!

"For I am the Pirate King  
…..

"Damnit your Lickness... I knew I shoulda asked for a crew to sing along with me... If you were cool, you'd do it anyway. Pretty sure it's just a few tap tap taps away to a full chorus...

 **Yea... I've decided to limit my interaction with this guy. The last thing I should do is encourage him after what he did to the undergarments I gave him.**

The Adventures of Pirate Captain Ban  
Part 3

Ban sat, shirtless, on his newly repaired roof inspecting an enchanted pair of long chained handcuffs he'd swiped while delivering a letter last chapter with a wide smirk painted all over his face.

 _ **Now how the fuck could he have gotten those?!**_

Stuffing the curious restraints into a satchel, the no good, dirty, rotten, wanna-be pirate man turned his gaze to the lovely Elaine, laying there sleeping innocently on the deck. The Sin really needed to stop looking at her like that... no way in hell was Lick ever, EVER going to write him forcing those ~ahem~ ordinary cuffs of no value and of NO interest onto the sweet Lady of the Lake.

Ban snickered.

With a bone cracking stretch that came with an annoyingly loud, "Ahhhh," the Sin of Greed jumped off the roof to land lightly on the deck. He walked over to lean against the starboard rail and watched the island before him with a frown. Well, he ought to be shivering in his boots, because Elaine tried to warn him! And that was even before he took my... rrrrrrr.

I'm not going to make this easy for him.

Ban's frown turned upside down after a few moments, and he lifted off the rail to lazily make his way to his sleeping beauty. His jacket was draped over her as she slept. It looked good on her, hell it looked _great_ on her. Like, 'the hot momma should ditch the white dress and wear red leather like him' great on her. A smile curled onto one cheek as he looked at her fondly, eventually plopping onto the deck next to her, letting loose a huge yawn.

Just like magic, Elaine pulled herself up slowly, rubbing her eyes. "Ban?"

Laying next to her as though his foxiness had never roused, Ban cupped his hands behind his head and planted a devilish grin on his face, "Right here next to ya, Lamb chop."

The blonde turned her sleepy eyes to him and smiled, "You're still here."

Ban's eyes embraced every curve, color and movement of his cool glass of water as he responded, "Of course I am. Where am I gonna go when I'm surrounded by water that wants to suck me down." His eyes sparkled with mirth as he sat up and grinned playfully at her, their faces only about a hand span apart. "Wait a minute! If that water is supposed to be you, and you the water..." Ban's expression grew more excited as he used a finger to point right at her nose, "then all that water must be your kinky side!"

At Elaine's wide eyed blush, Ban continued, "Ahh! I knew you'd spent some of the last 30 odd years dreaming about me," he snickered, "but that's pretty hard core..."

The Lady puffed out her cheeks and turned her back to him, burying her chin in arms that held her legs tucked into her chest, "It's not that the water is me... I'm just a part of it."

"Aww..." Ban's smile turned more genuine and he wrapped his arms around her from behind as he spoke sensually into her ear. "Come on now, Pumpkin... I was just teasing." When he felt her heart rate increase, he licked his lips hungrily before taking one, two, three nips at the ear he chose to victimize.

Greedy bastard was about to lick her neck too when he heard the customary saintly gasp coming from his would-be lover just before she switched from solid to liquid, dunking him in a refreshing mouthful of water.

"Ahhhh..." Ban used a long tongue to taste as much of her as he could while he rose to his feet. Sensing her behind him, floating above the deck, Ban languidly bent backwards enough to get an upside-down view of his forbidden fruit. He smiled, "Ya know... if everything goes to plan today—you're not gonna be able to get away like that tomorrow."

His voice just dripped of all the sinful ways they could play and it burned Elaine's skin from head to toe. Not knowing any other _possible_ way to respond, she furrowed her brows and said forcefully, "You _cannot_ go to Avalon, Ban!"

First, he had to grin at the wonderful way her not/voice boiled his blood. He was going to miss that... but looking into her eyes made him think she had the audacity to be serious. Ban groaned and walked back over to the starboard railing, this time leaning against his propped foot. "Well I don't see you blasting me into the water or anything... so it seems like I _can._ "

Nothing much there but a typical way of thinking for a fox. If nobody tries to stop you, then it _must_ be okay—no matter what the signs say.

"Ban!" Elaine drifted to float next to him, looking out at the dead city, "you don't even have a smaller boat to row to shore." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned her head against the bridge of his neck, "please, turn back! I'm worried about you!"

Little Lamb chop was desperate enough to try her feminine wilds on him eh? As badly as he wanted to see how far she would press the issue, he knew it was but a temporary solution. Nope. He wanted Elaine for keepsies, no takies backsies, and the answer was somewhere on that island. Leaning his head into hers as well, he frowned unconcernedly, "Yeah... I'm gonna haveta mention the lack of dingies to Capt whenever his lazy ass gets back."

Feeling quite comfortable with his saint wrapping him in her warm sunshine, Ban began humming to himself and fiddling with his Courechouse contently. After a moment, Elaine leaned over further to get a look at what he was messing with as an inquisitive brow rose.

"Umm... Ban?"

"Yes, Sweet stuff?"

"Whaaaat... are you going to do?"

"Eh heh heh..." the fox grew a broad grin that spelled trouble, "I thought you'd never ask."

You see, there was this tree that was growing close to the rocky shore of Avalon that was just screaming, 'Use me, use me!' And Ban couldn't be happier to oblige. "Hang on tight..." he spoke through his teeth as he swung an arm around her petite waist fluidly right before he reverse Snatched:

 **Hereby and forever dubbed as: Grapple (because I am the Lick and I sayith so)**

 **Thus, just for idiot proofing's sake, I reiterate: Grapple = reverse Snatch**

 **Capitalized for your convenience. :)**

He Grappled **(reverse Snatched :D)** over the gap between boat and beach to the volunteering tree with the rewarding scream of his beloved making the lifewater in his veins rumble about. He landed onto the tree's lowest branch in a squat, Elaine feeling very frazzled behind him—holding him with a death grip.

"We... you..." Elaine looked around, slowly coming to the harsh reality that in the span of a single second, they were no longer on the boat. They were in Avalon. "Ban!" She grabbed two fistfuls of red leather coat and shook him, "you must get back to your ship!"

"Come on, Lamb chop! Nothin's gonna happen," Ban slurred, unperturbed by how passionately she tried bossing him around.

The Fox Sin of Greed slid down from the tree to land on the lush green grass and leaned upward to rest his gaze back onto the white clad Lady of the Lake. "See? Everything's gonna be fine."

As though his words triggered the mishap, the ground began to feel like mush under his feet. At first, the undead man raised a brow to Elaine's widening of eyes as she slowly raised an arm to point at him, seeming to have something caught in her throat. That was about the time his feet started to feel tingly... and not in a good way. Ban looked down, raising his arms in an effort to keep his balance when he started to feel disoriented, a single brow lifting when he saw that his feet were already swallowed by the earth. "You gotta be kidding me..."

"Ban!"

"Just a minor set back, Lilypad." Avalon sucked! The ground's going to do a pathetic interpretation of quicksand? What the hell? Stupid, judgmental grass...

In an almost lazy way, the light haired pirate man pulled out his Courechouse and Grappled back to the tree his love floated next to. While he perched in the tree with but a hint of a frown, Elaine found the lack of concern he showed curious. Had he not just seen the ground try to swallow him whole? "Ban, we should—"

Flinging his sectioned staff out towards the remains of the city deeper in the island, the weapon found purchase on another tree. Without hesitating, Ban jumped onto it and started leisurely walking on Courechouse with his hands in his pockets, humming to himself.

Elaine puffed her cheeks in frustration and flew over to drift next to him, "Ban! Can't you see that Avalon doesn't want you here?"

Glancing at her from the corner of his eye as he strolled, the Fox Sin grinned widely, "Just means they got somethin here they don't want me to get at..."

"Of course they do!" Elaine yelled.

Ban tossed his head back in laughter as the sensation of his Lemon Slice vibrating his blood hit him again and lost his balance—barely managing to catch it with bent legs. Now he hung upside down on the staff and folded his arms and looked up at his lady love, "Hey, you mind keepin it down, Lamb chop? I'm tryin to work over here."

The Lady of the Lake took a deep breath, relieved for his safety—while still being mad at him. "Are you really going to do that all the way to the city?"

"Course I am," He smiled to himself, looping around the staff in a surprisingly graceful jump back onto the top of it. Now in a squat, he lifted an eyebrow with a cunning grin, "I make that kid from Legend of Zelda look like a chump... heh."

"Huh?" Elaine scratched her head in confusion.

The Sin of Greed continued his tight wire act all the way to the city of Avalon, first moving from tree to tree, then finally brought Courechouse to latch onto the ruins themselves. Elaine had grown quiet, simply listening to Ban sing and hum much like he had the first time she'd met him. So many things had changed, but Ban's singing skills had not improved.

Reaching the first dilapidated ruin of Avalon, Ban hiked himself onto the jagged wall with ease, pulling his staff free as he did. He walked along the top idly wondering if the paved floor of the city was as much of a jerk as the grass had been.

"So what are we looking for here, Sugar cube?" Ban voiced out, preparing to Grapple to another sorry looking stone building.

" _We're_ not looking for anything, Ban. _You_ are just sight seeing—against my will."

That forced a snicker before he drawled, "Don't be like that... Come on, gimmie the details already."

"There are _no_ details except for that _you should not be here!"_

"Tch." Ban shook his head, "alright, be that way." Grappling to yet another wall he walked with light steps unperturbed. Once he reached what may have been near the center of town, the miscreant squatted down, trying to discern what a sudden strange tapping sound was in the otherwise silent island.

Elaine's curiosity was peeked too. She started to float lower to find the source, but Ban grabbed her arm to stop her. Looking back up at him, the woman noticed his eyes flickering into the dark doorways of many different buildings.

Just as Ban began to think he could actually _hear_ Lick's typing, a skeleton emerged from one of the archways, the tapping sound actually being the rattling of bones. "Ohhhh..." Ban grinned, "Sugoi! Look at the big sword that thing's got!"

"Ummm... Ban...?"

More bones clicked together as several others walked from the buildings, some already drawing their weapons. Unfortunately, many of them had crossbows and quivers over remnants of rusty armor. Their clothes were tattered and they shambled clumsily, but they all seemed focused on the intruder squatting on the roof of one of their buildings.

Eerie orbs of red glowed in the skulls' eye sockets, and the dead city of Avalon now echoed with the tapping sound they made as they walked.

As Ban stood up and stretched, three arrows pierced his chest, side and leg. Once his refreshing stretch was complete, he frowned, pulling the arrow from his chest out. Looking at it with a raised brow and unconcerned expression, he muttered, "Looks like Avalon has a bone to pick with me."

Before Elaine could comment, a crazed, happy expression consumed the Fox Sin's face and he leapt from the building with Excalibur strapped to his back and Courechouse at the ready. As he fell, he pulled out the arrow in his leg and threw is with deadly accuracy into an archer's helmet, the shaft of wood now protruding through the skeleton's skull, but failing to hinder its ability to fight.

Once he landed, Ban moved as though he were made of rubber. Bending backwards with a long and bright red tongue hanging from his mouth, he swung the sectioned staff all around them, effectively cutting down every skeleton within the vicinity. As he hunched forward, he pulled the arrow from his side, broke it in half to slam into the cranium of two more skeletons running at him with short swords. Frowning at the ineffectiveness of stabbing them in the head, Ban twirled around with lightning speed, performing a roundhouse kick into their skulls—shattering them to pieces.

"Ban!" Elaine floated to stand back to back with him, waving her arm to blast many coming up behind him back, "they're pulling themselves back together!"

Her announcement led the Sin's eyes to wander around at the first batch of skeletons he'd cut down. True enough, they were rebuilding themselves. Ban cackled, "They're just like me! HA!" The two with their heads in pieces didn't get back up though... that must mean he was these guy's higher brand model.

A wicked grin plastered on his lips as he started slamming Courechouse into their skulls with masterful precision. A few of them were able to grab the other half of their head and continue to fight, but more of them stayed down. "Careful Pumpkin, there's more comin!"

After blasting many of them back again, his blonde glanced at him from over her shoulder, "Why do you keep calling me so many odd things?"

Ban stomped onto a skull that he'd caused to fall over as he started Snatching various bones here and there, building a collection that he stored in his satchel. "Just trying terms of endearment on for size." After another swing of his staff, he stood up straight and snagged Elaine into his arms. Dipping her low as though they were in a seductive dance, he purred sensually, "though I'm thinkin Lamb chop works best..."

Lifting Courechouse, he spun it around their heads with a flick of his wrist as he brought his lips down onto the red faced fairy's. Discovering that stealing a kiss in the heat of battle as the biggest turn on—ever—Ban snaked his tongue into her mouth moaning at the wicked pleasures it brought him. His slippery little lady must have thought it alluring too, because for the first time since their reunion, she brought delicate hands up to his cheek and caressed them as only a lover would.

That simple touch was enough to be the Fox Sin's undoing and he lost his balance, falling to one knee. The hand he supported her back with slithered to wrap an arm around her as he blindly whipped his weapon out in a wide circle, praying to prolong their embrace just a little while longer. He would never tire of that sweet taste of honeysuckles...

As he heard a legless skeleton crawl into his space, the Sin of Greed peeked an eye open to see it in his peripheral vision. Breaking the kiss with his love was not easy, but he managed—feeling extremely pleased by the glazed over eyes the flushed Elaine looked up at him with. Playfully dragging his tongue over her lips once more, he winked devilishly, "That isn't over, Lamb chop..." He kept her close to him as he turned around to slam a big foot down onto the interloper with more anger than was necessary. Bastard had interrupted his private time with Elaine and deserved an instant demise because of it.

"Ba, Ban..." Elaine gripped his jacket in small fists as the first skeleton they'd seen lifted its huge sword with the two of them in range.

A head of spiky hair turned to inspect her complaint only to barely dodge him and Elaine from its colossal swing. "This bone-bag looks important," Ban grinned, glancing to the temple-like structure his opponent had come from.

"We can't just keep fighting, Ban!" Elaine whined as eyes filled with the color of fear, "this is Avalon! They'll just keep coming!"

"Then it sounds like we move on to stage two of a pirate's oldest and noblest of traditions." Ban flashed her with a wolfish grin, helping her up before throwing a sweeping kick at the big-bladed skeleton's leg and forced it to fall over and collect its bone.

"Tra~ditions?"

"Yea." Somehow, his smile grew even broader, "we fight, to run away." With that as his only explanation, he hiked his love over his shoulder and sprinted with blinding speed into the temple. The goddesses must have been on his side, for the doors to the wide archway stood intact, and he quickly slammed them shut. It took but three blinks for the enemies outside to begin pounding at the door. Snickering at the brainless masses on the other side, Ban slipped Courechouse into the double door's loops before setting the Lady of the Lake back on her feet.

With a fair amount of the roof of the temple gone, they could clearly see inside the huge columned room. The entire building seemed to be but one room big enough for Diane to live comfortably. At the very end, there stood three Serpent Sin-sized statues of knights of old. At the front of each of them there was a pedestal where a chalice rested, one plain and dull, another closer to something you'd see in a restaurant, and the rightmost pedestal holding a gaudy, bejeweled piece of work.

Now was the time... Ban was here! Elaine bit her lip as it pained her to turn on her own love, but it was her job to protect. She was returned to this world to defend Avalon's treasure, it seemed it would always be her lot in life to be the lonely protector. The princess had tried so hard to get him to turn around... It broke her heart to betray his trust in a way that made her feel ragged and sick—but now she was left with no choice.

It was her duty to protect the Holy Grail.

— _TO BE CONTINUED—_

* * *

 **Many thanks to the lovely Stormie for coming up with Elaine tasting like honeysuckles in our (Luv, Lick, Stormie and Dom) four-way collaboration story! It's GREAT, and it is officially the sweet, sweet taste of the fairy saint (not so saintly once Ban gets his way...)! Luv ya gurl!**

 **Lick! Lick! Lick!**

 **Deamonik** **: Yea he is! XD! Harry's pretty great yea? I love the whole: Lick only knows! XD! U are so awesome!  
** **MyLuv** **: Yea, I felt pretty damn clever calling Elaine sweet fairy tail. It worked SO FREAKIN PERFECT! Hahahaha!  
** **Stormie** **: I know, but after what Ban has done, I shant make it easy for him. He has to** ** _WANT_ it!  
** **Dom** **: A full on story? Like... then I would have three full books that peeps would be waiting on! o.o;; not to mention the original I can't seem to make time to write! I'm gonna chalk that up there with "if wishes were ponies" ^.^  
** **yojimbo** **: He didn't have a chance to catch anything last fishing trip! I sowwie! How about wacking something upside their face with one of those skeleton bones he stocked up on?  
** **Scarlet** **: Ahhh... I love it when I'm told that the Lick was someone's bed time story. It tingles me so good. I loves you so much! You fill me with feels!**

 _ **Just for you!**_

 _ **Seriphia  
**_ _ **aka  
**_ _ **Lick!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**This a SDS _Love is a Battlefield_ OVA (bonus chappies), and yes, it is happening while the others were teleported out of Camelot. Same story! These couple of chapters will explain a few things that Ban will probably not bother to go into detail with later. Hehe.**

 **LAWS TO LICK BY: WRITTEN BY THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE!**

 **For those mortals who do not yet know, your Lick was dubbed FanFic Goddess some time ago, and then several others agreed with a touching religion change. SO! I shall share the commandments I have gathered thus far here, in the final installment of this tale.**

 **1ST COMMANDMENT: Thou shall enjoy with minimal squirming every lickith thou receive. ((by RainStorm2122))  
** **2ND COMMANDMENT: Thou shall submit reviews with gusto! Or the lickith will be thrice as moist and determined! ((also by RainStorm2122))  
** **3RD COMMANDMENT: Thou shall not covet another's licketh, for the punishment shall be lickeths tenfold. ((by ashleyk2010))  
** **4TH COMMANDMENT: Thou shalt appreciate if a lick or more was given to both thou body and soul ((by TailGatomonX3))  
** **5TH COMMANDMENT: Thou shall never be wary of thou lickith. Thou must embrace it, and return it with gusto! ((by BettyBest2))  
** **6TH COMMANDMENT: Thou shall not protest thy licks, or the number of thy licks shall be doubled. ((by yojimbo89))  
** **7TH COMMANDMENT: Thou shall never fear the lickith, for the lickith is the lifeforce of thy Goddess. ((by PippElulu))  
** **8TH COMMANDMENT: Thou shall not deny a Lick her desires, for the punishment is death by reanimation. Hell hath no fury like a Lickith's scorn! ((collaboration by Dom and Stormie))  
** **9TH COMMANDMENT: If thou art to lick then thy lick shall be full of passion, for to do otherwise shall bring forth shame and the awkward. ((also by yojimbo89))**

 **DISCLAIMER : I OWN NOTHING! *sob***

This is _Not_ the End

"Heh..." Ban smiled to himself as he watched his love struggle all the way from one corner of her mind to the other. He knew exactly the dilemma she was wrestling with, but it couldn't have been helped—so why feel bad about it?

Naw, he'd have plenty of time to feel bad with what was coming next...

Watching her inner turmoil intrigued him. The woman stressed too much, talk about being the opposite of that lame brother of hers. A smile curled on his lips as his blood boiled to the sound of her voice reverberating from within him.

"You still seek to take what is not yours?"

Ban bent his back backward enough to hear a refreshing pop, then twisted his neck to and fro to the same bone crunching crack. "Ahhhhhh.

"Well, Lamb Chop... As I recall telling you before." He slowly bent forward with hands on his hips to look closely into her eyes. "I'm gonna take what's _mine_."

Lowering her head so that Ban could not see the flush his gaze so kindly granted her, bangs covered golden eyes in shadow. "So you seek to destroy that which I have been placed to protect."

The bandit straightened back out and scratched a cheek as he thought—though not caring much. "Well yea. Without anything here, you won't need to be here either." He then grinned again and leaned his head back in his hands. "You really oughta be comin up with all the different ways you can thank me, insteada registering a complaint, Lamb Chop."

"How can I when I am the one who must not let you?" She looked back up at him with determination tinting her glare, "you will not touch it!"

His lips closed into a fond smile as he watched his love's resolve solidify to unwavering. His brow raised and he sauntered up to her, slipping his hands behind his back as he bent to whisper in her ear. "Sorry Elaine, but as of right now... you don't have much of a say on the matter."

Her eyes widened as twin clicking noises echoed against the walls. Looking down at her wrists brought the realization that Ban had just locked them into curious shackles wrought of iron connected by a long chain. Elaine's eyes looked back up at the spiky head that watched her with a sympathetic curve to his lips, "It won't be much longer before I ask your forgiveness— since you've already made it pretty clear that I don't have permission..."

Blonde brows furrowed and Elaine grimaced at the shackles. "These will not hold me."

Ban just stood up straight with a content smile, placing his hands into his pockets. This is the part that he may feel bad about, should Lick bare down on that minuscule part of him that had a conscience. He stood there, watching as those beautiful golden eyes grew larger as she realized that yes, they were holding her... better than anything should contain something as ethereal as the Lady of the Lake.

"I know... seems pretty anti-climatic right? Can't help but feel as I should fill you and the reader in... (since Lick seems to have taken the high road and gone silent). Those cuffs were manifested from one raised by an iron dragon, and used to lock up a lover forgotten. Powers meant to contain, made stronger by coming from that dimension to this one. In other words..." A smile replaced the face of the rapidly growing bored frown, "you're as helpless as a lamb—trapped by a fox."

That got her riled up. He could see the fire in her eyes boring a whole straight through his soul. "Ban! Release me at once!" She'd even tried to change to water to free herself, but she was denied the ability while locked in shackles such as these.

Ban began walking deeper into the temple, "No can do. Can't have ya goin all noble on me while my back is turned."

Stopping at the bottom of the three steps that raised the pedestals and over-sized statues, Ban stroked his chin thoughtfully. Surely all three of them weren't unfathomable treasures. He twisted his waist and bent backwards slightly in a way that looked terribly uncomfortable to look back at his fuming pretty lady, "So what's the story here, Lamb Chop?"

Elaine merely folded her arms and looked to the side with her nose pointed up in the air.  
 _Typical pretty princess silent treatment, eh?_

No. She was right to be upset, Ban had just locked her up in her own domain! With shackles from another dimension, no less! Those were Gajeel's, damnit! I didn't even know I still _had_ those things! Can fourth wall breakers really steal something from a totally different fic? Something about this STINKS! I knew he was going to use those things for evil! That bastard! Rapscallion!

BLOODY PIRATE!

"Geez... enough with the ranting..." Ban's lips curled into a smile that surely rivaled that of the devil's as he pulled Courechouse out. He covered his eyes while chuckling to himself and thrust his weapon out to Snatch.

Elaine watched him from the corner of her eye and nearly fell over from surprise when she saw him snatching the one out of three he was forbidden to touch. _"BAN!"_ She screamed, _"You put that BACK!"_

He grinned to himself, tossing up and down the cheapest looking cup out of the three. "Well who would have guessed that this piece of junk was the one you were protecting." He glanced back at his love with a crooked smile, "personally, I would have preferred the one with all those sparkly stones. That one looks like it could go for a pretty penny."

Elaine growled at him, angry beyond words. He was making her fail in her duty! What would the powers that be _do_ to her? Would there be forgiveness? Surely there were consequences for such a failure!

The anger she showed only added a tally mark in Ban's head of the things he may or may not have to do to win back her favor. This wouldn't be the only thing he'd piss her off about during their long life together. Bringing his attention back to the clay cup, he looked at it carefully. "What is it with you guys and cups...? This thing doesn't look special to me." He shrugged. "Ah well, here's to your freedom, Lamb Chop!"

A lanky arm tossed it up into the air and readied the sectioned staff to strike it. Destroying the treasure would give her no more reason to stay here in boring old Avalon, so that's what he'd do. As the grail began its downward fall, Elaine was not the only voice to scream out:

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Ban faltered in his attack at the sound of a loud, masculine voice crying out along with Elaine's. He lowered his weapon and caught the cup as the blonde dived to the ground at his feet in an effort to catch it as well.

With the Holy Grail deep in his clutches, Ban turned a bored expression to the statues now stepping off their stands. Those things were coming to life? What the hell? His eyebrow quirked as he noticed that their shadows did not fit the bulk of their build in the slightest. No, the shadows moved with the shape and grace of a stag. He began to laugh. "Are you kidding me? What, with the Lady of the Lake outta commission I get to have a private party with the Ascended themselves?" He bent over and slapped his knee in his laughing riot, "oh man this is just fuckin great!"

"Ban!" Elaine hissed at him while visibly shrinking at the statues' advance, "show some respect!"

All three of the colossal statues spoke as one. _"Fox Sin of Greed, Ban the Undead. Just what is it you seek here in the sacred land of Avalon?"_

Ban did not look impressed, no, once he finished laughing, he placed his hands back on his hips with the grail still in his grasp. "Ain't it obvious? I came here to bust up this thing so I could finally keep my promise to steal Elaine away."

The statue that had stood behind the now empty pedestal cried out, " _You must not!"_

The Fox Sin shrugged, "Yea, I really must. Elaine is coming with me."

The biggest statue that stood behind the middle pedestal frowned, _"You would destroy the most sacred of the world's artifacts for... a guardian?"_

Shackles rattled as Elaine fell to her knees before the most personal servants of the goddesses themselves, "I am so sorry! I tried to stop him... but I couldn't hurt him—I just couldn't!"

Ban frowned at the sight of Elaine on her knees. She would never feel that she must bow to anyone soon, he would personally see to that. His voice was low and menacing as he continued to speak, "She's more than just a guardian. Why can't you holy types get that? Elaine has been nothing but your faithful slave all this time, nearly a millenia for cryin out loud. It's time for you chumps to find someone else."

The third statue hissed, _"You dare order us, mortal? You who have dared drink from the Fountain come here to commit further crimes against your maker? I would see you condemned to spend the rest of your eternity swimming in a volcano!"_

Statue number one raised a hand to calm the third, _"Take care of what you say, Tay'lanni, he still holds the Grail!"_

The biggest of the three silenced both with a raised hand. _"Fox Sin of Greed. You do not understand. Should you destroy the Grail, the powers that be will send the guardian back to Necropolis—for her usefulness will be spent."_

At the sound of Elaine's muffled sob, Ban gritted his teeth, "You bastards. Is that all her life means to you? To send her packing when she has so many dreams of a better life? I'm about ready to shatter your pretty little figurines and get you outta my face!"

" _Return the Grail, Fox Sin,"_ The three ordered as one.

"That ain't happening. If I can't break it—then I'll just take it with me." Ban's lips turned up to another smile as his jaded sense of logic kicked back in. "If I can't break the damn thing, I guess I'll just take it with me... if Elaine has to protect it, then she's gotta come with me."

Elaine looked at her love feeling flattered. He would do that? Forever carry the Grail just so that she would stay by his side? Her heart lodged into her throat as he continued, his voice lowering as though he spoke to himself. His eyes... his eyes turned so sincere that she was rendered even more speechless.

"I guess... in a way, this treasure means more to me than it could possibly mean to anyone else."

The third Ascended, Tay'lanni, scoffed at his inner thoughts. _"Preposterous! The Holy Grail is not meant to be carried by the likes of you! This is heresy! Tay'andral DO something!"_

" _We would forever trap you here before we ever allow you to take the Grail from this place._ " Replied the middle statue, Tay'andral, folding his arms.

"Hmm... that doesn't sound so bad..." Ban locked eyes with the saint he sought to free.

The first statue spoke lowly to Tay'andral, _"The Seven Deadly Sins travel and protect Tay'daishar, he must not stay here."_

Ban raised a brow. "Sounds to me like we're at a stalemate."

The statue going by Tay'lanni clearly had the shortest temper and growled at the Sin. Pitiful human had the audacity to think he would come out of this on top? It moved to engage him, but the middle Ascended raised an arm to halt its advance.

With the angered Ascended halted, Tay'andral turned back to him, " _It would seem so. The Grail stays here, there is but no other choice. However, in light of the love you have shown for the Guardian Saint, I shall bestow upon you a quest."_

Ban rolled his eyes, "I'm not much of a guy for quests, your stoniness..."

" _Obviously. Though you have made it clear that the prize we offer is the very thing that will allow you to keep the promise you mentioned."_

That reclaimed his attention and Ban looked back to him with a raised brow.

" _It is quite simple. Bring us back a new Lady of the Lake, and you shall have the fairy Elaine... should she choose to go with you."_

Elaine's eyes widened, "Really!? Oh... thank you! Though... how could I ever wish such a lonely life on some other soul—"

"Now wait a minute." Ban interrupted with a frown, only glancing at the Ascended through the very corner of his eye. "I was planning on having her come with me today. Not tomorrow or a year from now."

The first Ascended spoke, since the patience of even the wise Tay'andral was beginning to wane. " _If you were to take her as she is now, even with the Grail... The Lady of the Lake cannot sustain herself away from its holy waters. You would be condemning her to a slow demise."_

 _Damn you, Lick..._ Ban ground his teeth. _Elaine is mine, and you will not keep her from me. Oh I'll find your replacement... and you won't like it either._

"Alright. If you wanna be dicks about it, then I'll go find you some other chump to be your pawn. But when I come back, Elaine goes with me—and none of that bull about her being dead. My lady has another chance at life, and I'm gonna see that she lives it."

Elaine's eyes filled with tears. How could she stay angry with a man who loved her so much that not even the Ascended could contest it? "...Ban.."

" _Replace the Grail, Sin."_ The third giant statue demanded gruffly.

Ban made a face at it, "I don't think I like your tone."

"Ban!" Elaine shrieked nervously.

He turned back to her with a charming smile, "Oh alright, Lamb Chop... for you." Ban wouldn't soon forget how he'd had to disgrace her to find a way to set her free.

The fairy took the proffered cup from him, and walked back up to the first pedestal, watching the gargantuan statues warily. "I am so sorry for all this, your graces..."

The first statue looked down on the saint with favor, _"All is well, young one. We are no strangers to weaknesses of the heart."_

Tay'lanni scoffed at the other Ascended's words. _"This is lunacy. Now that the Grail is returned, allow me to cast him into the great volcano far on the next continent!"_

Tay'andral roared out at the one to his left, " _You would soil the goddesses servants' words in such a way? To break our promises?"_

" _It is not a broken promise for we never agreed to let his quest start here. Let him crawl out of something not unlike the depths of hell for his intrusion to Avalon's sacred soil," Tay'lanni countered._

Ban merely grinned.

" _Tay'lanni... that is not how the goddesses would want our agreement to end. He may be a heretic, but he still has a part to play defending Tay'daishar,"_ Spoke the first Ascended with the Holy Grail resting on the pedestal before its stone vessel.

Digging a finger in his ear, Ban asked without much interest, "Tay'daishar huh? Ain't that translated into something like half-born or sumthin? Doesn't sound like a lotta fun."

Elaine tilted her head at the man who had stolen her heart, how would he know even a scrap of the Old Tongue? Bandit Ban would never cease to amaze her.

Tay'andral narrowed the statue's eyes at him, " _Not quite, mortal..."_

As the first statue began manifesting something within the stone hand, Tay'lanni hissed, _"Are you sure that is wise, Tay'moora? This miscreant is hardly trustworthy."_

The statue that Tay'moora used as a vessel smiled as though to itself, " _He walks alongside one of darkness seeking redemption. I trust his intentions."_

Ban smelled treasure. "Whatever. It's your funeral."

" _Ban!"_ Elaine whisper yelled, causing the lifewater coursing through his veins to dance in new ways. He smiled at her cunningly.

At the largest statue's nod, Tay'moora conjured the skull of a great stag to hover over the large stone hand. "This is the remains of one of the First. Take it to the Daughter, for it will protect her when all seems lost."

"The Daughter...?" Elaine repeated curiously.

It was then that both the fairy guardian and the bandit's vision faded... and all turned black—forced into a dreamless slumber.

^.~

Waking up with clothes on always gave Ban the feeling of being restricted. He tended to sleep in only pants, and that was bad enough. So when he woke on the deck of his boat floating adrift in the lake of Avalon in full pirate gear, he felt hot and cranky. And let's not mention how uncomfortable it was that his spine had Arthur's stupid legendary sword digging into his back. What the hell happened anyway?

 _No way was all that shit a dream..._

Nope. Those assholes must have booted him out before he had a chance to pull more info out of them. While he laid there sorting out fact from fiction with what felt like a massive hangover, the sound of water lapped against the creaking boat. Ban's red eyes drifted from the blue sky to find the more accommodating vision of his lady. When he could not find her, he groaned into a seated position and frowned as he scanned the entire deck with no sign of her.

The bandit hadn't realized how close he was to the wheel until his inspection of it brought him face to face with the skull of a large stag. His eyes widened at the thing invading his space and jumped back.

It hadn't scared him... just surprised him is all...

Ban grimaced at the ugly thing hanging on his steering wheel and he drawled, "Oh ha ha... those stupid Ascended must think they're reeeeeeeal funny."

With a rattling of chains, Ban heard the sound he'd been longing for coming from the cabin, "Did you say something, Ban?"

He smiled at the skull like he'd won some sort of bet against it and fell back on his back, his head bending backward off the ship's upraised bow. This brought him an upside-down view of the blonde fairy he adored walking out of the cabin looking at him curiously. Ban grinned broadly at the sight of her and said, "Nothing much, Lamb Chop."

Elaine smiled at the odd man laying there on the bow and moved to sit on the steps next to his head. Despite the cuffs she still wore, she moved slim fingers to stroke through his hair affectionately. Ban closed his eyes and hummed his contentment for a moment before he peeked an eye open again to look at her with an impure smirk. "You're still my captive, eh?"

The fairy princess shook her head as she continued to run her hands through his unruly spikes, "I have faith that you'll get them off."

Ban raised a brow, contemplating the pros and cons of such an act and sat up to sit on the steps next to her, bringing the chain between her cuffs over his head to rest around him. Elaine blushed as he scooted closer to her and stared deeply into her eyes, but she did him the favor of matching his gaze instead of demurely turning away. He pulled her into his arms and buried his nose into her hair, enjoying the embrace for a moment before saying, "You know I'm gonna have to go, Lamb Chop."

Elaine sighed into the bridge of his neck, clutching the sides of his jacket in her petite fists and uttering weakly, "...I know."

The sadness escaping her voice did not go unnoticed, and Ban pulled back just enough to hold her chin with his index finger and thumb to make her look back into his face. It was not often that even Elaine received a sincere look from the Fox Sin, but if there was anyone who would, it would be his lady love. His brows lowered and he glared intensely into her eyes, "I'm comin back to take what's mine."

Though her expression remained tainted with melancholy, Elaine managed a soft smile. "I know, Ban... I'll... um, I'll miss you."

He desired more than anything to devour the lips who spoke of missing him. He felt like a heartless bastard, leaving her yet again. If he were to kiss her now... with her in those shackles—well—he'd never leave that sweet taste of honeysuckles. Ban had to go, so that she could be free. So without looking away from those golden eyes that matched his soul, he opened the irons that bound her with such ease it would make a master thief envious. "This is _not_ good bye, Lamb Chop."

Elaine yelped as the boat rocked fiercely. It was scraping against the bottom of the shallows, having made its way back to shore. Ban held her tightly as he looked over his shoulder, frowning as reality reminded him that he was already where he needed to be to disembark.

He turned back to her and gave her a confident smile, "This is just a 'see ya later'."

"Yes, of course, Ban." Elaine pulled away before she gave him a hint of the tears she was beginning to shed.

Ban stood as she did, and tucked the shackles back into his satchel filled with bones. Then, in afterthought, also grabbed the stag skull hanging on the wheel and latched it onto his back. He then looked back over at Elaine, alarmed that she looked so unhappy. "Elaine... I _am_ coming back. You know that, right?"

Trying very hard to put on a strong front, Elaine smiled up at him with moist cheeks, "Yes. You will come back to steal me away."

Ban cracked a smile and smoothed the back of his fingers over her cheek and replied gently, "Yep. That's exactly what's gonna happen."

With that said, the Fox Sin turned and leapt onto the railing in a squat before his greed took hold of him and jumped the short distance to shore. He landed deftly onto the soft grass and looked over his shoulder at the fairy that would wait for him. Flashing her one more grin, he began walking away, already sniffing the air to hunt down the person he intended to force into being the next guardian.

" _Ban!"_

He turned around to the sound of his love just in the nick of time to be tackled by her diving into his arms. There was no point in hiding his surprise, he didn't think she could drift over anything but the lake. Smiling to himself, he wrapped his arms around her slim waist and hugged her again. It was with her arms tightly wound around his neck with her head buried deep in his neck that she spoke the words he thought he'd never hear but in his most stingy of dreams.

"I love you."

He wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't felt her lips move to the words that echoed throughout his body. His heart ached with all the ways he couldn't think of to reciprocate such profound words, so what he did do was tilt her head to his and smile mischievously and say, "Damn you're a bad liar, Lamb Chop."

Elaine just smiled up at him and let his fingers guide her into a kiss, her tongue's gentle caresses were swept away by his fierce, insatiable hunger. Their embrace was long, yet far too short for the two of them. With such a kiss came a promise the both of them made to each other there in that moment. A promise of what will be.

When they finally parted, it was astonishing to see the same greedy hunger Ban carried reflected in the Guardian Saint's eyes. It was only through the need to have her completely his that Ban was able to walk away after such a passionate kiss. He licked his lips, savoring every bit of her taste as he held a hand up in farewell as his feet forced him to continue walking away from the lake. Off to find the one person he thought deserved a couple hundred centuries as the sole lonely guardian. Ban smiled to himself as he spoke, allowing himself to enjoy the fantasy that consumed his imagination as he spoke his final parting words to his beloved.

"Don't think for a second that I won't use these cuffs to keep you from runnin off from something I know we both want when I get back."

* * *

 **As you can tell, this is _not_ the end. This is just where Ban's journey joins back up with the others in the upcoming chapter 22 of _Love is a Battlefield_. Take care all, and see you soon in the next installment of the main tale. :)**

 **Thank you for your support!  
** **And now for your lickins!**

 **Stormie** **: Hmm... I do believe this chappie just may have answered all your questions! WOW! How often does** _ **that**_ **happen? XD!  
** **MyLuv** **: I DID NOT INSINUTATE THAT! ...Ban did. XD Oh! And no way was Ban going to lay a hand on Elaine—he made sure of that when he stole Gaajie's shackles he'd used on Levy. XD!  
** **Yojimbo** **: The crushing of bones is coming. :D I have not forgotten!  
** **Deamonik** **: We saw the cuffs in action Dea! Huzah! MOAR LUV AND LICS! YAAAAS! I luv you! BY THE WAY! I realized after I put out the last chappie that I completely forgot to reference the readers to your super awesome fanart. I will take steps to make sure I remember to mention your deviations next chappie... and I sowwie I suck. o.o  
** **Dom** **: *grins and bats eyelashes*  
** **Ruon** **: Yay! You got the grappling reference! There is yet another reference I have in store next chappie. XD *snicker* And Ban had every intention to destroy the treasure, as he had mentioned in the first chapter indirectly—so yea, Elaine was ready to do her duty.  
** **ScarletLoveliness** **: Mmmmm... you and me both. I luuuuv me some Ban! OH! And if you're reading this when I THINK you're reading this... good night dear Scarlet! *kissies***

 **All for you my lovelies**

 **Seriphia  
** **aka  
** **Lick**

 **:p**


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